It is crucial to be able to take feedback and adapt accordingly. But on the other hand it's not a democracy. Other people's ego is at play as well, if you're a leadership position having a plan and staying consistent is the most important thing, even if some spots are not optimal.
To take an extreme end of that spectrum, look at Elon Musk. He's a ******* ******** with an ego the size of Mars and you can always criticize him for making a car without a simple way to open the glove box but on the other hand his achievements are undeniable.
You don't have to be this level of ***** but obviously you want to hold your fort otherwise you'll be eaten alive by your team 😵💫
That's a good point. Being too meek can also hurt your team. It's just that for the most cases I so, engineering managers tend to be on the less-meek side, as you need to be a bit pushy to get that promotion in the first place :)
I think Elon Musk is a very different case - being a visionary requires a very different mindset. I talked about it a bit here:
Great point, and I agree, a leader should have an idea, a plan — and then listen to what the group has to say. It doesn't mean pleasing everyone or full democracy, of course. In the end, the accountability for the decision is on the leader.
Personal pet peeve: we very quickly bring in examples of successful individuals and then try to learn what made them successful. In reality, for every Melon Tusk, there are tens of thousands of other leaders who try the same and fail. Survivorship bias is at play.
Kids, never ever attempt to Tony Stark at home, it won't work.
Overall I'm mostly talking from my own experience, which can in sorts be summarized as: don't change your plan unless enough people complained about it that you can remember their arguments without taking notes of them.
Anton, Eugene, excellent writing. It made me reflect on whether I'm guilty of these mistakes, and the answer is yes, unfortunately.
One that's really frustrating and keeps happening is:
> I often feel that I understand what other people try to say better than they do, and feel the need to ‘rephrase’ it.
While I don't interrupt them, I do an inner *shaking my head* and think why this has to sound so complicated and if it's possible that others didn't understand the explanation because it was unclear.
Why do you think this is? People didn't prepare for the meeting? Is there a lack of confidence in the idea?
> I used to think I could do everything better myself
I did this up until some point. I guess it was when I realized that nothing ever will be perfect; we have deadlines and bugs to fix, and as bad as it might sound, sometimes I have to go for "good enough" because a ton of other work is waiting.
P.S. Thanks to both of you for mentioning my writing; it means a lot to me!
Yeah, the first one is tough to manage, as you are probably right in your feeling. I would assume that people who gravitate towards writing, learn better how to express their thoughts or more complex ideas.
So it’s not like it’s an illusion we can rephrase it better, it’s often the reality, which makes it even more difficult to deal with.
I think it’s important to learn to let it ago during the meeting. Afterwards, I go at it in both ways - first giving feedback to the one who tried to explain the complex idea (especially if it’s your employee), and approaching the one who I think didn’t fully understand and offer to clarify some points.
Great tips! I assume you meant "let it go during the meeting.", right? I think this is the best because being corrected by someone every time you speak up is not the greatest feeling. On the other hand, you have to signal somehow that they have to work on their delivery.
Great post! Always a challenge making sure your ego doesn’t get the best of you. You need to be confident but also humble. Also, a challenge to learn to work with those leaders above you that don have an ego! Another important skill.
Fascinating read! It's a bold move to confront the ego traps we can fall into, especially in leadership roles. Your honesty and the practical wisdom shared here are truly eye-opening. Looking forward to more insights like these!
It is crucial to be able to take feedback and adapt accordingly. But on the other hand it's not a democracy. Other people's ego is at play as well, if you're a leadership position having a plan and staying consistent is the most important thing, even if some spots are not optimal.
To take an extreme end of that spectrum, look at Elon Musk. He's a ******* ******** with an ego the size of Mars and you can always criticize him for making a car without a simple way to open the glove box but on the other hand his achievements are undeniable.
You don't have to be this level of ***** but obviously you want to hold your fort otherwise you'll be eaten alive by your team 😵💫
That's a good point. Being too meek can also hurt your team. It's just that for the most cases I so, engineering managers tend to be on the less-meek side, as you need to be a bit pushy to get that promotion in the first place :)
I think Elon Musk is a very different case - being a visionary requires a very different mindset. I talked about it a bit here:
https://techbooks.substack.com/p/why-visionaries-are-always-jerks
Yes, and... :D
Great point, and I agree, a leader should have an idea, a plan — and then listen to what the group has to say. It doesn't mean pleasing everyone or full democracy, of course. In the end, the accountability for the decision is on the leader.
Personal pet peeve: we very quickly bring in examples of successful individuals and then try to learn what made them successful. In reality, for every Melon Tusk, there are tens of thousands of other leaders who try the same and fail. Survivorship bias is at play.
That is definitely true :')
Kids, never ever attempt to Tony Stark at home, it won't work.
Overall I'm mostly talking from my own experience, which can in sorts be summarized as: don't change your plan unless enough people complained about it that you can remember their arguments without taking notes of them.
I love this post - our egos can indeed be our enemy! Great examples of how that looks like in practice.
Thanks for the mention!
Thanks Csaba!
Anton, Eugene, excellent writing. It made me reflect on whether I'm guilty of these mistakes, and the answer is yes, unfortunately.
One that's really frustrating and keeps happening is:
> I often feel that I understand what other people try to say better than they do, and feel the need to ‘rephrase’ it.
While I don't interrupt them, I do an inner *shaking my head* and think why this has to sound so complicated and if it's possible that others didn't understand the explanation because it was unclear.
Why do you think this is? People didn't prepare for the meeting? Is there a lack of confidence in the idea?
> I used to think I could do everything better myself
I did this up until some point. I guess it was when I realized that nothing ever will be perfect; we have deadlines and bugs to fix, and as bad as it might sound, sometimes I have to go for "good enough" because a ton of other work is waiting.
P.S. Thanks to both of you for mentioning my writing; it means a lot to me!
Yeah, the first one is tough to manage, as you are probably right in your feeling. I would assume that people who gravitate towards writing, learn better how to express their thoughts or more complex ideas.
So it’s not like it’s an illusion we can rephrase it better, it’s often the reality, which makes it even more difficult to deal with.
I think it’s important to learn to let it ago during the meeting. Afterwards, I go at it in both ways - first giving feedback to the one who tried to explain the complex idea (especially if it’s your employee), and approaching the one who I think didn’t fully understand and offer to clarify some points.
Great tips! I assume you meant "let it go during the meeting.", right? I think this is the best because being corrected by someone every time you speak up is not the greatest feeling. On the other hand, you have to signal somehow that they have to work on their delivery.
Exactly :)
Great post! Always a challenge making sure your ego doesn’t get the best of you. You need to be confident but also humble. Also, a challenge to learn to work with those leaders above you that don have an ego! Another important skill.
Thanks Josh. confidence/humility is a tough balance to achieve :)
Fascinating read! It's a bold move to confront the ego traps we can fall into, especially in leadership roles. Your honesty and the practical wisdom shared here are truly eye-opening. Looking forward to more insights like these!
Thank you Swapna!